Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi

I began skimming this book at a local bookstore hoping to pick up suggestions to help me network with people more effectively. A few months ago, I decided to leave a solitary life of working from home to reestablish a career in Product Management/Marketing. Sorry to say, I had allowed my business contacts to wither and now face the task of rebuilding my relationships and my reputation within the high tech community I wish to rejoin. In this endeavor, I found the book both useful and inspiring.

Throughout his book, Keith Ferrazzi emphasizes integrity, building strong lasting relationships, and creating abundance through learning to give and receive freely. These elements are evident in the organization of the book into four sections:

• The Mind-set
• The Skill Set
• Turning Connections into Compatriots
• Trading up and Giving Back

This book has clarified my thoughts about networking which has helped me to become more focused and more confident in my interactions. It has provided me with many ideas to better maintain and deepen my contacts. And, it has provided me with food for thought as I consider how I want to put the lessons I’ve learned from this book into practice. The book is a great read (including the “Connectors Hall of Fame Profiles”) and has lots to offer to those of us who build our careers around networking as well as to those just looking for some advice in expanding beyond current boundaries.

The following are key lessons from Never Eat Alone:

• “Real networking [is] about finding ways to make other people more successful…give more than you get.” Build your network before you need it and make networking, at whatever level you want to take it, a part of your life.
• “Don’t keep score.” By giving and receiving (offering and asking for help) freely, our relationships deepen; our lives become more dynamic and more abundant; we all benefit.
• “What’s your mission?”’ Identify your “Blue Flame” where passion and ability intersect. (Hint: it’s the work you would willingly do for free.)
• Create a Networking Action Plan
  1. Goals for fulfilling mission in 3 years, filling in 1 year and quarterly timeframes sub-goals; two (A & B) priorities for each timeframe; all goals measurable and realistic.
  2. Connect goals to people, places and things that will help you get the job done
  3. List best way to reach out to people who can help accomplish goals
• Create a personal “Board of Advisors” to hold you accountable and offer support to help you achieve your goals. Establish a regular time to meet and check in.
• Think creatively in connecting and expanding your network: friends of parents or siblings, school, church, gym, your doctor, dentist, realtor,…we all know many people outside our primary contacts.
• Get past your fear…it never hurts to ask for what you want.
• Don’t be a “networking jerk”…” this breed of hyper-Rolodex-builder and card-counter fails to grasp the nuances of authentic connecting. Their schtick doesn’t work because they don’t know the first thing about creating meaningful relationships”. At a on-hour get-together, better to “have one or two meaningful dialogues, than engage in the wandering-eye routine and lose the respect of most of the people you meet.”
• Research the people you want to meet. Finding common ground and understanding their concerns helps break the ice. Online tools for researching and networking include Google, Linkedin, Spoke, Capital IQ, Friendster, Ryze and ZeroDegrees.
• Warming a cold call:
  1. Convey credibility by mentioning a familiar person or institution
  2. State your value proposition
  3. Impart urgency and convenience by suggesting a specific follow-on but offering to accommodate the other person’s schedule
  4. Be prepared to offer a compromise that will secure a definite follow-on at a minimum.
• Share your passion. Food, fine wines, sports, …all provide opportunities for building relationships. KF describes how he uses dinner parties to bring interesting people together and suggests making greater use of meal times to get to know people better: never eat alone.
• Make follow-up a habit. When you do, the days of struggling to remember people’s names - and of other people struggling to remember yours – will be a thing of the past.”
• Be a Conference Commando. Come with a plan to use the conference to connect to specific people. Some ideas:
  1. Set objectives for what you want to accomplish, specific people with whom you want to connect, and a plan for doing so
  2. Get an inside track by organizing or assisting the organizer of the conference
  3. Become a Speaker, or at the least, state your name, company, what you do and ask a really informed, insightful question that will create a buzz
  4. Create your own event (dinner or outing) during the conference
  5. Talk to speakers before they present for better access
  6. Become a hub of useful information
  7. Know as much as you can about the people you want to meet, arrange to be where they will be, and master the “deep bump” (let them know your common interest)
  8. Use the breaks to network and promptly follow up on all contacts.
• Connect with other Connectors: restaurateurs, headhunters, lobbyists, fundraisers, PR people, politicians, journalists.
• KF takes the position that the best way to differentiate yourself (to make yourself memorable) is to BE yourself. He also introduced the concept of “Johari Window”: the degree to which people open up to reveal themselves. Communication can be aided by aligning our johari windows to match those with whom we interact.
• Contact rules of thumb:
  1. New contacts need to see or hear your name in at least 3 modes of communication (such as email, phone call, and a face-to-face encounter ) before there is substantive recognition
  2. Once there is recognition, you need to nurture a developing relationship with a phone call or email at least once a month.
  3. If you want to transform a contact into a friend, you need a minimum of two face-to-face meetings out of the office.
  4. Maintaining a secondary relationship requires two to three pings a year.
• Plaxo used to keep contact info up to date sending out an update request every 6 months. PDAs, cellphone and laptop to make use of travel time and short windows to stay in touch.
• Build your brand: what is it that you do that adds value? Develop a Personal Branding Message. “Your message is always an offshoot of your mission and your content…it should include a list of words that you want people to use when referring to you.” Dress the part; live the part.
• Broadcast your brand: Consider creating a personal website. The ins and outs of working with media, mastering the sound bite, and creating a buzz.
• Membership in organizations, writing, learning from and mentoring others, participation in community…networking is a lifestyle that need not be compartmentalized between work and home.